Quite some time since I’ve made my last entry. But I was really busy… and really upset…
Yesterday started just like “I know that this is going to be a bad day…”. You know? I woke up and I felt like I didn’t have enough sleep. I had this feeling “It’s better to stay here and go on sleeping”. But the alarm of my clock disturbed me so long till’ i got up to turn it off.
That made me standing up already and so I decided to go to the bath.
Only cold water - Great!
After I come out and wanted to prepare my bag for school, somehow I can’t find some of my things and I come late for the bus. So back home and ask my father if he can drive me to school today. Okay, fine. I still got to school in time: Tired, washed with cold water and somehow with a bad feeling about this day.
Later this day I threw a class comrade from his chair, hit him 2 or 3 times and threw a lot of chess figures over him.
It’s that that one guy in particular is the person who mobbed me for my asiatic appearance since I came here (this city). I always ignored him or played his ‘game’, thought “Okay… maybe he’ll get tired of it and stops it…” but I was so wrong. And all that agressivity just came out. I know that there is no excuse for hitting another human being, but there isn’t a excuse aswell for insulting another human being for just being what he is.That is something that really bothers me. Here (Spain) I always get insulted. Even from just some random people on the streets. I don’t know what I did do to them, but it seems that just my presence distrubs them…
But okay, that’s newspapers from yesterday.
Today we’ve got our Ethics marks. Fortunatley I got a 7 of 10. Which is fairly amazing, considering that I missed around 3/4 of this school term. Unfortunately Alba (see here) just got 4 of 10 points, which makes her failing this term (needed to pass: 5/10 or higher). I know that she is a very emotional person and it manifestated really fast: She cried. I wish that I would have been able to help her, console her or something. But I had to do another exam that I have missed out.
I mean, well okay… I WAS able to help her. I could just have said to the teacher “Screw you, this girl needs help”. But it seems that my shyness did not allow me to. I mean: It would look way too obvious if I don’t make a test to console her… not?
I don’t know. Maybe I did the wrong thing. Maybe the right? Who knows? She has a boyfriend and I am trying to ‘get’ her? Why do I even try to do so? Didn’t I say I don’t love her?
About the last thing, anyway, I am not so sure anymore… There is just something inside me, love or not. I don’t know for sure. Could be, but I am not certain. Something is still there that makes me not really falling in love with her… Consience? Knowing that she has a boyfriend… maybe that’s it…
Who knows…
